Why It's Okay to End Friendships


Ending a friendship is something that no one really ever wants to do. However, sometimes it's necessary and the best thing that we can do in a situation, especially with the case of toxic friends. I'm not trying to say that you should be ending all your friendships, you should cherish the ones that you have and aim to be a good friend, but in situations when you feel mentally strained by friends, I want you to know that ending a friendship does not make you a bad person.

For the most part, I think that the problem with toxic friends is because there's a difficult balance. At one point, you feel like you absolutely cannot be friends with this person and you feel that you want to end the friendship. However, at another point, you feel happy and you feel like it's a normal friendship. It's this awkward situation that you're not really sure how to approach.

Ending friendships are difficult. It feels wrong to have to "break up" with a friend.

In the toxic friendships that I've had, I think that in each one, what really defined it was the gut feeling that I had that I did not want to be friends with them anymore. I had less moments of "this is a good friendship and I'm happy being in it" and more moments of "how can I avoid spending time with this person" or "I can put up with them," both thoughts that I should not be having if it were a healthy relationship. And to me, that's a sign that maybe the friendship isn't meant to last.

Toxic friendships can be a two way street. 

It's worth considering that perhaps ending the friendship might be the best for both parties involved. If the friendship is toxic to you, it is possible that it could be toxic to that friend as well, especially as the dynamic of your friendship changes. As you tense up and push away that friend, that could be emotionally damaging to them as well.

Not all friendships are meant to last. 

Think of romantic relationships. People fall in love, they laugh, they smile, but they cry, they struggle, they fight, and sometimes at the end of the day they realize that the best thing that they can do for their significant other and themselves is to let the relationship go. People break up. And that happens. Just like romantic relationships, some friendships aren't meant to be forever. And while that's disappointing, it's just something that you have to accept.


Friendships that have ended are not failed friendships.

While a friendship may be over, it does not mean that the moments that you shared together were any less real, any less authentic. Sometimes people just grow and drift apart. Maybe the people you are now are different, but the people that you were then made lots of great memories together. 

For example, think of your best friend from kindergarten (if you even remember them). There's a possibility that you're still besties now, but I think that for the majority of people, they're not as close to or don't talk to them anymore. That's because it was a long time ago and since then you have changed, grown, and discovered yourself, which can cause you and your friend(s) to drift apart. And that's natural. But you can still look back on those memories from way back then and smile. 

Ending a friendship doesn't mean that you can't be friendly anymore. 

It seems like a contradiction, but ending a friendship does not mean that you have to start acting like you're strangers. You were friends once, so there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that you know each other by being friendly if you run into each other or congratulating them on good news that they shared on Facebook.

There are varying levels of friendship and while you might not be besties, you can still be amicable and kind.

For example, I had a toxic friend for most of elementary school and after we stopped being friends at the beginning of middle school, we still would smile at each other in the hallways and be friendly whenever we chatted. She might have been a toxic friend, but she still deserved to me happy and be treated kindly, just like anyone else.

Moving on from friendships can allow you to find healthier ones. 

Often, toxic friends can be things that hold us and those friends back. It's almost like you're left clinging to something that just doesn't work anymore and expecting them to magically make you happy. For one of my friendships, I felt that we drifted apart a long time ago, but despite that we were still trying to hold onto that friendship even though we just didn't click as well together anymore. That just left us both feeling unhappy.

Related: How a Toxic Relationship Changed Me

Additionally, by trying to stick with her, I felt like I was closing myself off from meeting new people and forming new friendships because at events I would always spend time with her only or sit with her in classes. Moving on from friendships can allow you to focus on finding people that you click with and mesh well with rather than struggling to keep a toxic friendship going.


Why It's Okay to End Friendships

3 comments:

  1. This was such a great post, and sadly I can relate. I am honestly hoping that summer will give me and my friend enough time to figure out whether we are going to prioritize our friendship or not. Hope you have a great Memorial's Day.
    - Avalon from simplyavalon.blogspot.com

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    1. I hope that you figure it out and that you can do what's best for you and your friend. It's absolutely not easy, remember that my inbox is always open if you want to chat!

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  2. YES GIRL!
    Awesome read, glad I'm not the only one who can relate.
    -Ingrid from ingridcity.com

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