I wish that I could say that I was one of those people that made friends easily and was a social butterfly but I'm not. One thing that I always wished that I had was charisma. I wish that I could be one of those people that easily talks to everyone, makes friends quickly, and is generally likeable. However, things are not that simple for me.

There have been so many times that I have been in a conversation and said something and immediately thought, "wow I hate myself, why did I say that?" There are times that I have been sitting in a conversation, racking my brain for what I should say next, not knowing what to say.

To prove to you that yes, I'm socially awkward, here are 3 things that scare me about socializing.

3 Things That Scare Me About Socializing

People judging what I say

I'm find myself feeling awkward because I am worried that people will judge what I say. I have a bad habit of changing the way that I act depending on the people around me. As a result, I'm careful with what I say around new people because I'm not exactly sure how to act. I want to be liked and I want to say the right thing, even though I know that there is no "right thing" to say.

Being viewed as "not cool"

This kind of links with people judging what I say, but I'm worried that if I "be myself" people might view me as lame. I'm the kind of person that likes nights in, likes sleeping early, and likes doing grandma activities. For most people my age, these are not the ideal activities. That's not to say that there aren't people that find those things cool like I do, I noticed that a lot of the blogging community is really into that. However, in my day to day life I encounter more people that are night owls that want to go out and party that would view my lifestyle as boring.

Seeming clingy

I always get the feeling that people don't really feel like talking to me, even though they probably don't mind. I think that I shouldn't bother them and when I talk to someone for a long time, I worry that I'm being too clingy. In fact, even after I meet someone, I'm scared to reach out in the fear of being clingy. I don't want to annoy them, so I just don't reach out at all. This is kind of an unnecessary fear because I love when people reach out to me. Sure, there are some times that I feel that people are being a bit clingy, but for the most part I appreciate it. Despite that appreciation, it still feels clingy to reach out and that feeling always stops me from doing so.

So what?

When you look at the list of all the things that scare me about socializing, they all seem a little irrational. They seem like silly things that I shouldn't be worrying about. After all, they're not that big of a deal. The thing about being socially awkward is that it is a little irrational, it's really just all in your head. It's the fears that make those awkward moments.

Whenever I stop having the fears of being socially awkward is when I socialize best. When the fears go away I have the best time. When I begin feeling comfortable to be myself I have a good time and genuinely enjoy social activities.

The fears hold you back.

So we've established that yes, indeed, I am socially awkward and scared to socialize. And I hate it. As a result, I've been trying to take actions to be a little more social. This means that I'm trying to go places alone (without the safety blanket of a friend) and socialize and make new potential friends.

I try not to let me fears stop me from making friends, building relationships, and being happier.

So when I started to write this post I wanted to make a list of a few things that I did recently that were socially awkward to further prove how terrible I am at socializing. I wanted to write a post about how you are not alone in your awkwardness, but as I write this I am beginning to realize that it's not just that you are not alone, it's that your awkwardness means less than you think it does.

When I tried to think about all the recent awkward moments that occurred, I cannot remember specifically what I actually said or what made the conversation "awkward". I can't remember any specific moment of me actually being awkward, even though there were many (many) moments.

Maybe there have been a few things that I said that I wished I didn't and maybe I mulled over those words for a few days, but that was just in the short term. In the long term, I really cannot remember, even if I try. I don't doubt that there were those moments, they were just never as impactful as I thought they were in the moment.

In the big picture, the little awkward moments are never the things that people remember.

The thing about being socially awkward is that the only way to not be socially awkward is to face your fear and socialize more. As a result, I know that I will have many more socially awkward moments. But that's okay. I know that the little awkward moments are nothing to be ashamed of.

The truth is that everyone is awkward. Socializing is difficult. The good thing is that no one (including you, eventually) will remember those awkward moments. They're just a flash of awkwardness every now and then but they are not forever.

Do not be afraid to be socially awkward. Everyone is every now and then, maybe even the most charismatic people you know. At the end of the day, you will not remember those little awkward moments, only the best times that you had when all those fears faded away. So if you're like me and feeling socially awkward, go out, make friends, mingle, and face your fears.

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